Patterns - Voice of Chaos
by SakeBandit
Summary: The tale of a girl who finds her fate, and battles to live. Please R/R (More to come)
1. Requiem - A Promise to be Kept

Lifting her hands to her hair once more, she tied the longer length in the center. Her parents had always hated how she dressed, how she wore her hair. Now they were crying, wether out of joy or sadness, she wasn't entirely certain. She wasn't all too interested in her family, not for the last few years. She had distanced herself from them as much as possible, to escape their world of adult hardships and adult problems. She was still very young according to most society's viewpoints, but she had seen enough in her few years to understand everything; everything that was important in her eyes anyways.  
  
Born and raised her thirteen years of life in Jaramide, Cara Rainhardt had always tried to impress everyone, to make her way in life by having as many friends as possible. The youngest of her four siblings, she was also the most different. The women in her family line had been given a strange gift; white hair and sometimes eyes at very young ages marked them for their family name. They were neither poor nor rich, but well known in the area for their difference in appearance. All of her siblings had inherited either the eyes or hair, but Cara had recieved both from her mother, as well as her grace and looks. She was her father's little angel he always said, and she seemed to bring a smile to his face just by being there. Her dark skin and love of white clothing seemed to make most people laugh.  
  
Always the one to follow a different path than her family members, Cara had spent most of her life studying the ways of fighting without weapons, relying on one's own fists and feet. Anyone who saw her now would comment on how much she made it look a dance, a dance of battle, flowing from one attack to another. Her natural grace and skill at true dancing enhanced her fighting skills. When not learning how to fight, she'd spent her days mastering her mother's flute, a simple wooden instrument made by her mother's own loving hands.  
  
Smiling to herself, Cara adjusted the band of fabric that covered one shoulder, then running down to her hip. She quietly recalled the meeting, where an Aes Sedai from the fabled White Tower had discovered her. Supposedly she had the makings of a great Aes Sedai, which made Cara feel wonderful. She still couldn't believe herself as an Aes Sedai, serving the White Tower. It all seemed a dream, until her preparations pulled her back to reality, the prearations for her departure to the great city of Tar Valon. She decided her parents were crying for both joy and pain; losing their daughter and yet she was going to become something more than a simple business man's daughter.  
  
She stood, her feet bare as they always were, and smoothed the white silk gown that her mother had sewn for her. It was time. Taking a deep breath, flute in hand, she stepped outside, the first step in her journey to a new life . . .  
  
***  
  
She tugged absently at one of her white bangs, sighing as she read over the script she had been given. Most of it seemed what she had been shown, but certain parts seemed incorrect from what she'd learned so far. Two years already in the Tower, and she'd become one of the most well-known people in the Tower, even though she was nothing more than a Novice. Her block did nothing to slow her learning rate down; all she had to do to watch the invisible actions of Saidar was to play her mother's flute, or even hum lightly. Music was power, the key to the soul itself. Those thoughts were probably what had given birth to her block. She was just thankful that her block wasn't based on getting into fights to channel.  
  
Cara sighed once more, turning the page. The Weaves explained in the book sounded correct, but when she pictured them in her mind they didn't seem to flow right. She was allowed so many things, more things than average Novices, such as access to the library for studies with what little time she could find. The Sisters all seemed to respect her love of studying, even when she should've been sleeping with chores piled up for the next day.  
  
So far she'd only gotten into one fight, and that hadn't escalated further than arguing about the use of Spirit in certain Fire Weaves. She couldn't help it, she'd always had a quick tongue and even quicker feet, but thankfully her anger hadn't built greatly.  
  
She blinked, sighed, then straightened. The sun was beginning it's climb over the horizon. In only a few hours, she would have to be in her basic Saidar classes, and then chores with Semil Sedai, and . . . so much more after that as well.  
  
For a moment, and only a moment, she remembered her friend Todaran. She missed the days of freely running in the sun, playing games with all her friends. She thankd the Light that many of her chores were outdoors; she always prided herself on the exotic darkness of her skin that drew eyes.  
  
Smiling, she yawned and closed the book,then went to nap until class . . .  
  
***  
  
Darkness had long swept over the great city of Tar Valon, the lights of house windows long stiffled. The sun had been a beautiful orange, framed by the unmoving clouds that hovered at the horizon. Now that it's golden orange rays had vanished, candle light was all there was to see by, save the occasional globe of Power created by an Accepted or Sister. Shadows played at the edge of her candle as she turned the page in the dusty old book she had acquired from the great library. In the dim light, she could make out every word and symbol, every sketch on it's ancient material.  
  
So much promise they said, so much potential. She had even once been called limitless potential, whatever that meant. And yet, they had all dismissed the fact that she was a Wilder. Every other one of her kind had been shunted, eyed and walked lightly around. And yet, they whispered of her future, of how great she would become. Why? Her block was an annoyance, and yet a gift all at once. Annoying to her, in that she could never channel at will, like the younger Novices could after their first few months of learning. But it was a gift in that she had could spread the beauty of her voice, her singing and haunting lyrics. Her mother had been a singer in Jaramide, before they moved. Her own voice, a young reflection of her mother's, had been what called someone to her. A friend she would never forget, no matter where she was.  
  
"Todaran . . . " she said quietly into the darkness of her tiny room. Many Novices had to crowd together, but she was given her own to stay in. It was from here that she was allowed to write music for fun, to read and learn. But she realized with a sigh that it was taking it's toll. She hadn't been outside in ages. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy pointing at the young men in the Training yards, or walking the gardens. She did enjoy them, but she had so much to read, so much to learn. Almost half a year had been spent on trying to break her of her block, but every attempt had failed without the slightest indication of any success. Her voice was both blessing and curse.  
  
Absently, she studied her left arm under the candle light. Paler, compared to how she had been. She had always possessed her mother's dark skin, but now it had lightened slightly. She would have to train more outside it seemed.  
  
A knock at her door woke her from her thoughts. Straightening her Novice dress, she took the two steps to the door and opened it, covering her eyes with a hand as the Mistress of Novices' Light Sphere cast bright illumination for a good distance in every direction. somehow, that white light made the woman even more frightening than before. "Come with me." was all she said, as she stepped back from the doorway, allowing Cara room to walk out. She did so, glancing up and down the empty halls. They seemed stark, lifeless. Shivering, she wrapped her arms around herself and followed the woman and her bright sphere.  
  
Ages passed as they continued deeper and deeper within the walls of the Tower, passing through locked doors that gave way to the Mistress' keys. every step seemed an eternity, and all Cara could do was think this was either punishment for something she hadn't done, or a another test to break her block. Her questions were answered though, as they passed through monstrous doors into a large room. Voices echoed even as she set her first steps within this place. She had read enough to know what the enormous silver rings were, joined together almost like art. She gave a start as the voices became clear, her mind coming out of it's deep place of thought.  
  
"Whom do you bring with you, Sister?"  
  
"One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister."  
  
"Is she ready?"  
  
"She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance."  
  
"Does she know her fears?"  
  
"She has never faced them, but now is willing."  
  
"Then let her face what she fears."  
  
She swallowed nervously, waiting for someone to point out what she obviously already knew. She had always been overly modest, and know all eyes were on her, save the Sisters who sat about the rings, concentrating too deeply to notice what was going on about them. The Mistress of Novices turned to her, smiling an all too knowing smile. "Remove your garments. You cannot pass through here . . . " Cara cut her off silently, removing her dress, but she cradled her shift to her body for a moment, before removing that too. One of the woman gawked at her lack of shoes or stockings, but she had never worn anything on her feet in the first place. She wrapped her arms about herself, turning five shades of red, her eyes closed. She frowned when she heard someone laugh softly at her modesty. She couldn't help who she was.  
  
""The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."  
  
The words bit into Cara's mind, and she knew this would alter her life in some way. She had seen newly raised Accepteds on their first few days after being Raised. Tears streaming down their faces at odd intervals. Staying to their rooms for hours, even days. She could only guess what was inside.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she cleared her mind and spirit, as she'd learned when studying the Way of the Fist. She felt felaxed, enough to put her fists at her sides, her teeth shut together tightly. One foot in front of the other, and she stepped through, her mind splintering in a thousand directions at once . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
"Cara!" The voice came from behind her as she ran, plowing through people with her small frame. A woman and her basket of vegetables became the next targets, losing her balance easily as she sped by. Bare feet slapped the stones as she left her persuer in the dust. Her smile was fiendish as she rounded another corner, and slid to a stop, her feet tingling from the action. She sat there, catching her breath for a moment, as she led the game into the lower part of the city.  
  
"Cara! Wait for me!" The young buy rounded the corner, having only enough time to yelp as she playfully socked him in the gut. Being only a sucker punch, he dropped back and brought his fists up, making quick little jabs to tell her he was only playing too. She laughed, bringing her foot up smoothly in a kick to his face. almost in slow motion, he brought his wrist up, blocking the attack. She giggled as she spun in place, digging her feet into the stones once more. He was alright at sparring, but he would never outrun her.  
  
"Todaran Todaran! Can't catch me!" She ran five steps before slamming into a seemingly soft wall, bouncing her backwards onto her bottom. Only seven years old, and she was forced to look straight up at the man she had plowed into while not looking. Mentally, she cursed herself for not watching where she was going. As she stood, she cried out, the man's enormous hand lifting her by the front of her dress.  
  
"Well, what do we have here? Wee little lass thinks she can run me over does she?" He laughed at her, showing a very toothless mouth. As she pulled on his hand, she heard something connect with flesh, and she was dropped to the ground. The large man was on his knees, his face a mask of pain. Todaran stood next to her, his hands balled into fists, his mouth a small snarl. She couldn't help but stare at him like he was mad.  
  
Thinking would get them into more trouble, so she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away from the group of men, who were all pointing at Todaran and her. As they ran, they heard the man who had been cruel to her start coughing orders. They ran as fast as their young legs could carry them, as far as they could take them. They continued until they reached the old home that had been abandoned, where they spent their time playing around with the leftover furniture and other things. They sat, breathing hard, as they tried to gather their wits.  
  
"What were you thinking?! They might've killed you!" she looked at him worriedly, her hands around her neck where the man had held her captive. She blinked wiping tears from her eyes that had suddenly started to form. "Thank you Todaran. But I don't want you to get hurt."  
  
After a few deep breaths, he looked down at her smiling. "I couldn't let them hurt you. You're my friend." His face was so warm, his smile so honest, that she laughed weakly. They stood, but as they started to walk again, she heard a muffled cry. She spun in place, only to find her friend in the hands of one of the man's friends. She knew automatically that he had followed them. Her tiny fists balled up, her feet instinctively going into her fighting stance. She was yuong, but her teacher said she was excellent for her age, and that someday she might surpass even him.  
  
the man looked at her and laughed, as he held Todaran tight in his hand. "How cute, the little thing thinks she can fight." Two other men rounded the opposite corner, trapping the two of them. The men behind her began to advance slowly, one drawing a dagger, the other cracking his knuckles sickeningly. As she stood there, ready for their attacks, she silently knew that she could defeat every one of them, and save her friend.  
  
iBe steadfast . . . /i  
  
The voice was almost an echo, bouncing through her mind. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw it. A silver arch, just ten paces away, easily ran to. But she saw Todaran, and watched as the man pulled a sword from his side, holding it up to the boy's throat. "I'll beat a young one like this could fetch a pretty silver on the market." he laughed, looking her straight in the eyes.  
  
"Cara, help . . . I can't fight them . . . "  
  
iBe steadfast . . . /i  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes as her friend struggled. She could beat them! She knew she could! And yet, the arch shimmered mockingly at her, fading for a moment. She would save him, she could save him, and yet . . . she wasn't being allowed to. She drove her feet sideways, as she spun towards the silver. Behind her, she could still hear todaran's cries, begging for help, as she plowed headlong into the arch . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
. . . and stumbled out into the cold, dark room in the Tower. She slid to a stop on her knees, tears flowing freely. Her tears vanished though as cold water fell over her, making her squeek in agitation. The words that were spoken passed over her deaf ears, as the Mistress of Novices helped her to her feet She had left him there, she had left him to be killed, or sold as a slave! She couldn't hear anything that was spoken until the woman pulled her to the next ring.  
  
"The second time is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."  
  
Choking back her tears and shivering in the cold, she straightened her back, standing regally among the shadows of the room. She would not back down from this next challenge. She had already lost her friend, and she would never lose again.  
  
She stepped into the light again . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
. . . and into darkness . . .  
  
All around her was nothingness, empty non-existence. She glanced behind her, then around slowly, trying to find anything. She was herself, but this place couldn't have been real. Could it?  
  
She tapped her foot, feeling solidness beneath her. But when she looked down, nothingness looked back at her. Her clothing was the dress her mother had sewn for her when she'd left for the Tower; white with black trim, her white sash thrown over her shoulder, down to the opposing hip. Her skin was dark again, but she was taller, older than when she first came to train with the Aes Sedai. She was who she really was, but this place terrified her.  
  
Her ears quirked as she picked out the sound of approaching footsteps, slow and carefully placed. The slight swishing of a dress accomapnied each step, the sounds altogether just noticeable. "H-hello?" She turned in place, trying vainly to find the source of the steps. "Is . . . anyone there?" Sweat began to bead on her forehead, running down her back beneath her dress. She had never felt this nervous in her life. For some reason, she also felt powerless, like whoever was coming towards her could tear her limb from limb in seconds, and she wuold be unable to do anything about it. "Please speak. Who are you? I mean you no harm, please help me."  
  
Finally, she turned in the direction of the intruder, the footsteps just beyond her vision. For some reason, a small amount of light seemed to surround her, allowing her to see a short distance. Into that light, stepped a nightmare, a being of fear on quiet feet. The shadows seemed to part, allowing it room to enter her small area of light, her small place of safety. She backed away from it, sensing the hate pouring from it.  
  
From first glance, it was a woman, roughly the same height as herself, but there the similarities ended. Skin, pale as a maggot's hide, shone in the darkness, reflecting the in soft light. Raven black hair ran down her back, touching the ground lightly with its tips. A black dress, which left her shoulders and collar bone exposed, was as black as the darkness that surrounded them. But her face was what had caught her attention the most. A mask covered the woman's face, split down the middle by a single line; one half grey, the other half black. The only other features on the mask were narrow slits, where from inside she felt that powerful hate pour from. for a moment, she could see into those windows, into the eyes behind the mask, and for a moment her body shivered, the trembling of someone who felt they were being killed slowly.  
  
Cara's eyes trailed down the woman's left arm, until she gasped at what lay there. Covering most of the woman's arm was a black metal gauntlet, twisted like some sort of insect monsters hide. the fingers of the glove ended in razor tips, obviously meant for stabbing and tearing. The gauntlet seemed to draw in the small amount of light that struck it, crushing the light within it's twisted walls.  
  
"W-who . . . are you?" Cara stuttered, her fists already up to protect herself. She knew now why she had felt powerless earlier.  
  
She was going to die . . .  
  
It spoke, it's voice like ice sliding over a long-decayed corpse, carrying decay upon it's lips. "I am Death, made flesh. I am it's shadow, the Reaper of death's hand." The demonic glove flexed open and closed slowly, as if awaiting something, making a slight grinding sound as the fingers moved against one another. That was all the words it spoke, for it needed no more. As Cara began to take a step back, she wished she hadn't. The woman, the ithing/i before her glided silently forward, into Cara's face before she could even take a breath, the black covered hand shooting out. Cara's hand rose to parry, but she cried out as crimson fanned out from her arm. The woman, the shadow, spun on it's heel, the clawed talons dancing merrily as they twirled. Again, the hand reached for her, slicing her other arm in a spray of blood. The wounds were fine, but each stung as though delt by a sword. Cara cried out, but lashed out with her feet, spinning in place to deliver a powerful blow to the woman's head. the thing stumbled backwards slightly, but from what she could tell, it seemed to be smiling at her from behind that metal shield.  
  
Mockingly, it shook a finger at her, as if saying her struggling was useless. Cara choked back tears of pain as she knew she stood no chance against something that moved such as this. As if a snake, a serpent, reaching out and striking, then retreating again, only to strike a second, time, again and again, until it's venom too hold. Only, this snake possessed no venom, simply a touch that brought pain with every fluid motion.  
  
No warning came as the woman flowed at her. Everything slowed down, and Cara screamed in pain as the woman seemed to caress her face with the black metal. At first, the touch made her cringe, but pain shot through more quickly than a crossbow bolt. For a moment, all she could see was red, the pain so great that the world faded for a moment. She spun, trying to blindly defend herself, but it was in vain. Again and again, the claws shot out, raking her arms and legs, her back and sides. She felt wetness running down her stomach and back, her head and hands. She tried to turn and flee, and instead slid in slickness, falling onto her knees and hands. She forced her good eye open, the other soaked in her own blood, staring into the blackness that supported her and the thing. Tears carved a path through the blood that now covered most of her face, and she trembled from the loss of her blood. Her heart beat so quickly as to burst from her chest. She could see her blood covering everything, coating the black floor, the trail that had been slithered through it as she slid. Even the taste of it had invaded her mouth, making her gag.  
  
She could feel it's eyes on her destroyed back, her clothes long died a deep red. It circled her like a bird of prey, taking in it's soon to be dinner. Those eyes bore holes in her back as she pulled herself upright, wobbling in her crimson misery, but weakly pulled herself into her fighting stance. She would beat this thing, she knew she could. Nothing was invincible. Nothing.  
  
Once more, those dead, black eyes sparkled at her from behind the mask. She knew now. Her opponent's fighting style was to rush in, strike, exactly like the snake she had thought of. If she could forsee the next target, she could win in one blow. She felt more than saw, as her foe rushed forward, the dark hand reaching out to tear away her throat, to get at her lifeblood. Cara spun in place, her back to the empty sky, and she felt it connect, the talons never reaching her. Her foot tingled in response, and she found herself smiling, knowing she had hit. She weakly stumbled backwards, turning until she was looking at her opponent again.  
  
And found herself looking back . . .  
  
Lips trembling, she fell to her knees beneath those dead eyes, her hands spasming in terror. Her face, but with black hair, black eyes. Dead. It was like looking at her own corpse, given life. Her mouth worked soundlessly as the dark figure strode over to her, humming a soft song, a song she knew all too well.  
  
iRequiem . . . my song . . . my face . . . /i  
  
She realized that her foe, herself, the thing, had been dazed, it's motionlessness and empty stare speaking volumns. She saw behind it, the gleam of the silver arch, a point of light in the darkness. The floor, wet and red, shone like a trail to the ring, where she had been standing only minutes before. On legs weakened from pain and loss of blood, she limped towards it, around the figure.  
  
iI will be steadfast . . . no victory is worth this . . . /i  
  
The tears came strongly now, washing her face of her own blood. She limped more quickly, her eyes wide from terror. She had begun to go numb from her wounds, her life slowly ebbing away through the gouges carved into her body. As she neared it, she stumbled, crying out. Her nails dug into the darkness, and a scream emitted from her throat. She'd never been scared in her life like this, never felt anything so. Powerless, she could've defeated her. She was helpless. She could've ended the fight there, with honor.  
  
iMe, me . . . it was me . . . why, why I am seeing this? Why am I dying? I don't want this, I don't want to see this. Why . . . have you forsaken me?!/i  
  
She screamed again, pulling herself upright, the numbness stronger now, her mind beginning to spin. She reached the silver arch, and hurled herself through . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
Startled cries sounded throughout the room as she met the cold stone floor. Voices were muddled, but she could see the pool of blood that had fanned out from where she had collapsed. Many of the Sisters were coming towards her, she could see. But her vision was blurred, seeing only muddled shapes. Hands were placed on her, and she felt the Weaves flow into her. Deep from her throat, a soft sound began to flow out, the song that had been sung to her since before she had even left her mother's womb. It was her song, not that beast's. She trembled violently as they Healed her, wrapping her in a blanket someone had brought down. Unconsciousness came as she felt her mind go numb . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
Failure. She had failed. For days, she sat, staring at the closed book on her tiny desk, in her tiny room. She turned them down. She wouldn't go into the third arch. She couldn't go into it. Something such as this had never happened. The room where the ter'annreal was kept had been cleaned, but even the Power couldn't erase what had happened that night. She sang her song quietly, rocking lightly, her knees tucked underneath her chin, as she stared into nothingness.  
  
No one was ever allowed to go again after turning away from the testing. Whispers spoke of demons, problems with the test itself, but Cara herself knew why she had failed. It had been their fault. The Sisters of the great and fabled White Tower. They had sent her in there to die, and she had survived. They were afraid she would show them she was more than what they had thought. Eyes stuck wide open, she stared into emptiness. She wanted to be held by someone, but all around her were those who had tried to kill her. They had sent that vision after her, to end her life. To take her place perhaps. A week had passed, she had eaten what they left for her, afraid she might start scremaing again, as she had when they'd brought her back to her room.  
  
After that time, a pouch of money and a letter was placed on her desk. It was a dismissal; she was trash, unwanted, unclean. She had failed. Useless and powerless. Her belongings in her bag, she stepped away from the life she had sought, from the lie she had strived to become. Her life had ended in that bloody spectacle, her life as a struggling visage.  
  
Away from the gleaming white walls she walked, staring at the small bag of coins as if searching for answers within it's cloth casing. White eyes scanned it for any imperfection. It hadn't just been them, she knew that now. It had been him, the one who controlled them, and guided their hands.  
  
The Creator had abandoned her, and her dream, and shattered her mind and body like a glass doll . . .  
  
iYou will die, every one of you. Never again shall I become a pawn of a master who would break me across his knee like so much kindling. From this day forth, I serve the shdaow that showed me the path to my strength. Forever, I am one with the Lord of the Night. I will kill every one of you, with my own hands . . . /i She flexed her hands, closing them and opening them slowly, staring at her palms. iAnd, with the gift you yourselves have given me . . . /i  
  
***  
  
To Be Continued 


	2. Vision - The Road Less Traveled

Note: These are actual posts from an RPG site, as were the first chapter's. Todaran is copyrighted his owner, as is Cara copyrighted of me. Wheel of Time is copyrighted Mr. Jordan's works, so I wouldn't suggest even trying to steal stuff from him ^_^  
  
***  
  
Todaran looked about himself as he rode along on the damned horse. Having disappeared from the lands so long, the green and beauty of these lands touched him somewhat, different to the beauty he saw in the Blight, yet he was an odd individual. Home he travelled, a new man, far different from the youth he had been when he left. Looking to the road he smiled, the same path he had travelled so long ago, it amazed him that things seemed so unchanged. Few clouds hovered in the blue sky, how that would change soon. Nevertheless, he lost himself in thought easily enough, remambrance of what he had left behind, parents, his tutor, the smithy, Cara....  
  
That last though caught in his mind, she had actually left first, the White Tower claiming her for it's own. He doubted he would see her again soon, the spiders rarely let one of their own go, certainly not now. She would be devoted to the light and despite their friendship... Who knows what she could do, he did not want to find out too soon. At anyrate, the road ahead was fine, it was not a day to be troubled with such thoughts even as his horse ambled along, along to a final farewell of the lands that were ruled by the abomination of the light.  
  
***  
  
Lush green wrapped it's loving arms across the sky overhead, blanketing the road with random shadows. Greenery wove around the roads, giving it a sort of life, almost like the land itself was alive. Birds chirped happily from the limbs, and bugs accompanied them randomly. Although the places around the road were lively, those who walked the road were sometimes less than lively.  
  
she had been walking a long time, so long she had forgotten what she was doing. Was she heading home? Where was home? Her parents had sent her to that accursed place, destroyed her mind. They must've known that would happen to her, that must have wanted her dead as well. No, she would kill them first. They had given her life, so in turn she would take theirs for her own. Her eyes were somewhat dazed, glancing about madly as her thoughts ran amok. She wanted to hurt people, but she wanted to hide, and all at once she wanted to be able to trust someone. She felt so alone now, hunted by everyone, her schizophrenia coursing through her thoughts.  
  
With her hood raised, she concealed most of her face, but her hair still stuck out slightly, and she stared at her hand as she walked. This hand had been coated in her old blood, had nearly been ripped from her, along with her life. she had been powerless against that beast woman, that thing.  
  
She never noticed the rider passing her, but the rider noticed her . . .  
  
***  
  
Todaran looked at the individual ahead of him, making his or her way by foot, he could not tell from so far behind who or what the figure was. Rolling into a sharp canter, he nudged the horse's flanks to carry him forward, a traveller on the road was always welcome to greet, the risk of bandits small, even in these times. As he pulled aside, he noticed a lock of white hair from underneath the hood, with that came a memory, a face. Shaking his head, Todaran allowed a pleasant smile to form on his face even as he addressed the stranger to his side who never stopped even as he addressed someone who was clearly female.  
  
"Good day to you lady, where do you travel to on foot where a horse would suit you much more?"  
  
"I travel to Nailine Samfara, along the roads of Coremanda, why do you have such interest?"  
  
Todaran's smile slipped a bit, that voice was startlingly familiar, it could not be however. Cara resided in the White Tower now, wrapped in a web tighter than any save who he served would or could break. Forcing the confident smile back, Todaran found that even the resemblance of Cara was enough to stir his generosity.  
  
"I too am headed to Nailine Samfara, or more to the point, one of the villages nearby. It would be poor of me to leave you to walk the way by yourself and it would be an honour to have a companion along these lonely roads."  
  
As Todaran offered his hand, he watched the hood turn to regard his offer. As they both paused in their steps, Todaran wondered whether the woman would accept his offer. After a short time, her own hand came to rest in his and he pulled her up infront of him. As she settled, he nudged the horse's flanks and once more the horse moved forward at a canter. The shirt he wore was somewhat tight, did little to hide the muscles he had developed at the forge as well as the training he had done with weaponry. Simple leather breeches with riding boots and a simple hammer opposite to a sword rested on his belt. A modest appearance, but one that kept him free, stark contrast to the woman that now rode with him. Odd, he would have to talk to her more at the village they would reach tonight, better lodgings than the road that is for certain.  
  
***  
  
Memory tickled at Cara's mind when she saw the man, and when he spoke, the voice seemed to bring up old recollections. For some reason, she felt more calm around this person, like all her hate and pain had melted away. She held on as he rode towards the next village, wondering why she was doing this. He could rape her, kill her, steal all her valuable. All she had were a few clothes, her flute, and the coins they'd given her in the Tower when she was thrown out. She was so alone, and she could do nothing of it.  
  
Once within the town, she hopped down, noticing the man realize her feet were bare for the first time. She hadn't worn shoes since she was four years old, having enjoyed the feel of walking, the dirt beneath her feet. Shoes were a waste of stockings anyways.  
  
She turned her head up to him, still shadowed in the hood. "Thank you for the ride, but you did not have to do that for me. It is appreciated in any case." She was ready to turn around and go, but something about him made her stay where she was, feet planted.  
  
I know that face, but where . . .  
  
***  
  
A peculiar lassitude had fallen over Todaran as they had travelled. It had been fairly quiet their journey, but everything around Todaran had seemed sharper to the eye with her presence. As they stopped in the village, he noticed as she dismounted that she wore no shoes, another mark of Cara as was the flute case he then noticed. Either he was travelling with a Chimera sent to test him or someone who could have been Cara's twin. Even as she seemed to bid goodbye to him, she did not turn around, as if waiting for something. Coughing, he felt more awkward than he had ever in his training. He was not about to let her leave on her own, protection was the least he could offer to someone who reminded him so clearly of Cara whom he had favoured so.  
  
"Lady, it would be best to rest the night here before moving on. I would be honoured if you would continue to travel in my company. I will be leaving from the Golden Pidgeon tomorrow in the morning. Good day."  
  
At least this way, he would find out if this woman really was a test. It would be too easy to shrug off the coincidences of someone who could have been her twin meeting him. Too bad Todaran would not be able to meet her himself, lost to the White Tower as she was. Dismounting, he grabbed the reins and began to lead his horse over to the stables of the Golden Pidgeon, tomorrow at least would reveal things, if she did not meet him at the Golden Pidgeon tonight that is.  
  
***  
  
Cara watched the man depart towards the inn he had spoken of, and she sighed. It had to be him, there was little doubt in her mind. His face was broader, his shoulders were powerful, and he was taller, but . . .  
  
Remembering quietly, she pictured his eyes. They were the same. That was one thing she knew about people, was that no matter how much time passed, their eyes always remained a certain way. His now shone with responsibility, with strength. They had always been warm and kind, and now they contained an edge of wisdom that only years could give.  
  
She watched silently, and knew she would go to that inn. For a short time, she wandered the small market, buying an apple and some small pastry. She had always had a taste for good food, but balance was needed for the Way of the Fist. Besides, she didn't want to get chubby.  
  
Passing a window, she saw a glimpse of herself. She pulled the hood back and grimaced, biting her lip softly. She ran her fingers through her hair, quickly scrubbing it straight, then wiped away the dirt on her face from travel. She didn't know why she was doing this, she simply wanted to look at least a little kempt for her old friend.  
  
If it is him . . .  
  
Realizing her hair had grown a good deal since she'd entered the Tower, she pulled it back and tied it off with a piece of string. Now she looked much cleaner. Absently, she pulled her dress front open and stared downwards, making three men stop in the streets to watch her. Perverts, they didn't realize she wore thick tape underneath her clothing like armor . . .  
  
By the time she was done, the sun had begun it's decent. She turned on her heel and strode to the inn, and went in . . .  
  
***  
  
Todaran sat in the Golden Pidgeon infront of a hearty enough meal to keep him happy. Even as he ate, his eyes wandered across the room, thoughts of the stranger he had picked up running across his mind. Was she a Rainhardt? Cara's hair and such were rare in Coremanda, it would explain the similarities. Even as he thought on the subject, a figure came into his vision which jerked him out of such contemplation. White hair, dark skin combined with a certain stance that denoted any Rainhardt. Even as she took a seat, Todaran smiled at her, foolishly but he needed to get this question of his mind, it troubled him enough.  
  
"I am glad to see you again milady, a question troubles me though. Would you have known Cara Elona Rainhardt? It has been some years since I saw her and you bear an uncanny similarity to her."  
  
***  
  
Cara studied the man before her for a moment, her smile unwavering. So had changed then. She had been so young at the time she figured, that she had developed into someone who resembled Cara, herself, and yet was individual. She had grown up. "Yes, I did know her."  
  
Todaran's smile widened, and as he opened his mouth to speak again, she closed her eyes and shrugged. "Last I heard, she was being made Aes Sedai. Some sort of debacle about her being too young, and yet they were still raising her. I'm not sure if it was rumor or not, but you now how those go at times."  
  
She reached over then, and ruffled his hair, as she had so long ago. "Actually, I see her evey morning in the mirror, and the girl who was to be Sedai had a falling out. She was too weak, and they wanted her dead." Her smile was still there, but inside her blood boiled at the Tower.  
  
I will destroy you . . .  
  
***  
  
Todaran nearly fell out of his chair when he finally comprehended what this woman had said. It was Cara!? And he hadn't realised!? What a fool he had been, laughing he gave her a short hug in response, this was a great day! Yet what had she said about death? Something was not right. Ordering some food and drink for her, he asked her avidly about her time at the Tower. Though he despised the Tower, he was interested to hear what she had done ever since she had left. Even as they talked, he wove a small shield around them, not silencing the talk as that would arouse suspicion, merely muffling it slightly. Their talk went on for hours, yet even as most the patrons left, it was time for some rest.  
  
Knowing some of her tale, yet not all of it, Todaran stood from the table with a smile of friendship, he had missed her presence, though her knew visage, that of her having truly blossomed astounded him.  
  
"Stay here for the night and set out with me in the morning Cara. I can get you a room if you wish it."  
  
***  
  
Cara laughed, feeling free of her burden that had grown upon her from the Tower. She had found a good friend, someone to lean on while she got her mind straightened out. She knew she'd allowed her hate to build up far too much, and she needed to let it out, somehow. Either through violence or meditation, she knew not.  
  
She nodded at Todaran, smiling up at him. "That would be wonderful. Although I have the money they gave me before they kicked me out." She had almost said witches instead of they, but she fingered the pouch at her side, ready to be rid of the cursed coins.  
  
She still had left some of what had happened, mainly why she had been expelled. She would tell him, eventually, when the memories didn't make her cry in pain . . .  
  
***  
  
Todaran nodded at Cara and after talking to the innkeeper got a room right next to his own for Cara. Retiring to sleep was easy enough, the general good feeling of having found Cara again, even if so changed from how she was. Sleep was easy, the day bringing a curiously welcome golden light. Odd considering his usual contempt for it being representative of the Light itself.  
  
Breakfast itself did not take long to finish, Todaran did not see Cara while he feasted quickly. Rushing from there to his room, he made good use of the water basin before packing his things and taking them down to his horse. The horse saddled and saddlebags on, he waited for Cara to arrive so they could continue on their journey, their home village being a day's travel from here.  
  
***  
  
Cara yawned, stretching lazily in the morning light. The dust that floated in the air did nothing for her sinuses, but she smiled slightly as she stood. Her daily routine coming into play, she stretched and did basic exercises, ridding her muscles of sleep. Digging into her pouch, she pulled out the apple from the night before and bit into it, holding it in her teeth as she pulled her clothes on, smoothing the worn gown out. She wondered why she fussed at all; it wasn't as if she were going to a ball.  
  
She ate the apple slowly, enjoying it's flavor, as she slung her bag over her shoulder and left the inn. The sight of her friend brought a wide smile to her face, and she felt happy again. She waved at him, the apple ni that hand, as she walked over to him. He smiled down at her as he pulled her onto the saddle behind him, and she she laughed.  
  
I feel so relaxed. Burn them, why wasn't I allowed to enjoy life as much as I am now? This is freedom . . .  
  
***  
  
The pair had ridden for most of the day, talking as they went. Todaran found out more of what Cara had been up to and was surprised how she had developed. Today his mind was clearer and he found that probing on some issues led nowhere, it seemed something had happened but Cara wasn't about to open up. Shrugging it off, he kept to topics much lighter, also sidestepping any questions about him since he had left, save that he had 'joined one of the northern armies' and 'trained during the time'. Soon however they came in view of a village ahead, Nailine Samfara could be seen further in the distance, but the pair would not be going much farther, they were home.  
  
It was a small village, no more than perhaps two hundred people lived here, scattered across a sizeable area. Rolling forward at a canter, they reached Cara's home, but Todaran would not be with her. Even as she dismounted, her questioning gaze was answered by the slight shake of his head.  
  
"Your parents will want to know how things went for you, I must see Harnem and mother if they are still here, I will be back later if I can."  
  
Leaving Cara to meet her to be overjoyed parents, Todaran rode for Harnem's smithy, he had to find out how things were. As it came into sight, a brief smile formed on his face. Stone walls with slate roofing and the billow of smoke erupting from the furnace was familiar sight, even in the afternoon. Dismounting then tethering his horse to a hook jutting from the wall, Todaran opened the door to the smithy and stepped through to be greeted by a nostalgic sight.  
  
Harnem had turned to see Todaran walk in and had dropped his hammer in shock. A grin mirroring Todaran's own emerged however even as they embraced warmly, Harnem would never have expected to see Todaran again, yet it warmed him that it was so. Chuckling at Harnem's surprise, Todaran broke the embrace and slapped the man on the shoulder even as they began to talk.  
  
"Harnem! I bet you weren't expecting that were you? I completed my training, I came back to see you however, some things I could never forget."  
  
"Tod, you are always welcome here, though I never expected you to grace a mere village again. But come, the work here is done for the day, let us celebrate!"  
  
"Food would be good after the journey, we could go eat with mother, I've missed her cooki..."  
  
Todaran caught the expression on Harnem's face, it left him confused for a moment, then it hit him. Such an expression could only mean one thing, he sank back across the room to a seat before he fell on the floor. Shaking his head, Todaran had many a question in his mind but only a few words escaped him.  
  
"When? How?"  
  
Harnem observed Todaran in pity, he had been devoted to his mother, having been a bastard he'd had little else except Harnem himself. Walking over to Todaran, Harnem placed a consoling hand on the man's shoulder and gave Todaran a moment to recover before speaking.  
  
"She died of her past. Even all the medicine you and I together appropriated, even the.. healer she saw who was your teacher, she relapsed after you left. I did what I could, even the healer however could not have saved her had he been here. She died two years ago during the Feast of Lights, she was in pain despite the herbs I gave her but she was happy she was at last going to rest. Her last words were of you, I told her of what you were and she seemed unsurprised, glad you were now something worthy of the world. Worthy of the world, never to be trapped in the cycle she was."  
  
Todaran reflected on these words in silence for awhile, they wracked his soul more than any of the training he had done, any of the deeds he had committed. He should have been there! Maybe he could have done something! Anything! Finding the flame and the void, Todaran wrapped himself in it, the temptation of saidin there but he ignored it, merely getting control of himself. After a time, he rose from the seat, Harnem's concerned gaze changing to one of understanding as Todaran spoke.  
  
"Take me to the grave Harnem, let me pay my respects, and beg for forgiveness."  
  
The two departed, the Blacksmith left deserted for the time. The grave would greet them this night which now approached, Todaran to seek forgiveness and Harnem to watch over him. It was sad that such a joyous reunion be tainted so, but it was of Todaran's own fault, not Harnem's.  
  
***  
  
Tears poured from Cara's eyes as she embraced her parents, their loving arms holding her warm and tight. She let the water flow fro mher eyes, and she sobbed loudly into her father's shoulder, letting out everything that had happened to her.  
  
They hadn't tried to kill her, and they were happy she was back. They had missed her so much, and loved her even though she wasn't Aes Sedai. Her mother even joked about how hard it would've been to be around her had she made it, which made her a little bit more happy.  
  
Comforted and happy, she told them about running into Todaran on the road, laughing as she did so. She planned to go with him when he left in the morning, wherever it was he might've been aiming for.  
  
With a quick hug she ran off to find her friend, inquiring people if they'd seen him. One woman said she saw him and the smith walking towards a hill, probably to visit the blacksmith's wife's grave. Cara nodded, making a mental note to offer condolences, and ran in that direction.  
  
As she neared the place, she could pick out Todaran's voice, and what could only be the blacksmith's own deep words. She had come up on them so quietly that they had never heard her arrive.  
  
"May the Great Lord shelter her under his wing . . . " She knew that was Todaran's voice, but she kept low to the ground. Great Lord? She mentally ran through the bits of information she knew, but couldn't remember anything along those lines.  
  
Silently, she listened, her bare feet silent on the dirt of the hill . . .  
  
***  
  
"May the Great Lord shelter her under his wing, in her death may she find happiness, may she find shelter within the Shadow."  
  
Todaran had long since said what he'd needed to say to his mother's spirit, the burden on his shoulders had lifted, yet the remorse was ever present. Standing once more, he brushed the dirt off his right knee, turning to face Harnem. There was much he had to disclose, yet such a short time to do it, this was the best place for it where none would or could hear.  
  
"We are not meant to pass information so, I need your advice however Harnem. When I left for the Blight, you told me three things. Be dedicated, serve those above me without question and to prepare the way for the da'es tsorovan. I have done these things ever since I have been away, yet I never dreamed there would be so many who clung to the Shadow merely for riches. The truth of our cause should have been so apparent, yet the Light blinds so many. I fear there will be many losses to the da'es tsorovan. Are we sure what we do is right?"  
  
Harnem chuckled, doubt was easy to find in the relatively young. Todaran had always confided in him so he was not worried about the information being given, rather that Todaran had been led to doubt so. Then again, Harnem too had fallen victim to doubt years ago, yet he was still steadfast.  
  
" da'es tsorovan is the only way, before one can rebuild, one must destroy. We take the orders from our lords and we obey them, that is our way, our service unparalleled in belief. Those who scrabble for riches will find little in the storm to come, it will be those who truly believe that find their place at the right hand of the Great Lord. For us, eternity is assured, we will have returned for the days of Tarmon Gaidon. The storm we bring now is just a herald to one of the many final confrontations on the wheel, perhaps the last, perhaps not. As mortals, we are not beholden to the truths of reality. Even our lord of Chaos does not fully comprehend them, or that pitiful excuse for a Creator, they are two halves of the same coin. When our mission is done, all will be restored, then we shall find ourselves on the course of our original purpose, not this distorted repition of pain and imbalance."  
  
Todaran nodded slowly, he was well familiar with the verses of Ayende dyu shadar, he did not need reminding. The ends justified the means, always, let those moralistic fools who did not have the steel be blinded by the Light along with the rest of those Order embracing freaks. Allowing himself a slight chuckle, Todaran moved on.  
  
"I was foolish for being led astray. At anyrate, the da'es tsorovan is scheduled for the propitious date, our coming will strike fear into the hearts of many. I have trained with the armies, quite a few of our human warriors are of our code, they follow well. Many others await to be called when we strike. Many train with the power even as we speak, we will be a match for the Tower, if not in numbers, at least in our better training. We increase our strength, yet I still worry that we may not have the strength to carry through with the da'es tsorovan."  
  
Harnem nodded, that was a fear many felt, particularly in the order of Ayende dyu shadar, yet there was no point in such fear. They were to act, if they failed, the Great Lord would exact his price, if they succeeded, perhaps balance could be restored. Chuckling at Todaran, Harnem clapped him on the shoulder and began to lead him away while talking.  
  
"Fear of such a momentous event is not peculiar to you, we all share it. But let us speak of it no more for now, rather let us speak of the older days, before you were trained for war and I was a simple blacksmith."  
  
Todaran snorted at that, simple blacksmith indeed! As if Harnem could label himself such, standing so high within the Order itself. Yet Harnem did consider himself small, that was perhaps why he had risen, his humility was exceeded by few.  
  
"You were never a simple blacksmith Harnem"  
  
"I know, but let us think of it as so for now"  
  
Shrugging, Todaran walked along with Harnem to food and lodging. He had meant to return to Cara, but how could he? Not with this weight on him, perhaps the morning would be best. Yes, after he'd managed to lose at least some of his sad countenance.  
  
***  
  
Cara sighed as she stared into the small mirror on the tabeltop, the tiny present her mother had given her. She felt sick, naseus, and dizzy all at once. She didn't know how to explain it, but something felt wrong. Great Lord? It couldn't be true, could it?  
  
Silently, she fixed her eye, combing it out with the silver brush she'd had since a child. Their house was the same, unchanging even after four years. She felt safer here, but she could never feel safe again, not as long as she knew the truth. The White Tower was to blame for her suffering, and only the Sisters who had been rpesent that night and Cara herself knew what had trasgressed.  
  
Stuffing the mirrir and brush back into her bag, she picked up her hairband just as a knock came at the door. Quickly straightening her blue dress, twimmed with a pattern of white and grey, she opened the door, and found herself smiling widely.  
  
Her smile faded though, as she almost felt Todaran's pain. Even though he was smiling at her, she could feel something was wrong. Placing her smile back on, she led him into her room, and patted him on the back.  
  
"How are you? Something seems wrong?" She put her hand on his cheek playfully, smiling, yet worry shone through them. "Are you alright?"  
  
***  
  
Todaran had managed to avoid a massive reception from Cara's family, only speaking shortly with her father before getting inside. Walking over to the door, a knock was all that was needed to bring Cara to the door. Todaran's smile remained unchanged but inside he was shocked, she had definently grown up. The blue dress, the patterns of white and grey, it stunned him. Even as she brought him in, he was slightly dazelike, yet he realised that perhaps he wouldn't be taking her with him, she seemed like she was settling in. The thought hurt him, after finding Cara he didn't want to then leave her again, but her interests came first. Even as she grabbed his cheek and asked him what was wrong, he chuckled, if slightly forced. It didn't seem like a good time to unload his troubles on her, an evasion would suit.  
  
"I had to lay to rest some guilt, but that is neither here nor there at the moment. I'm to make a short trip to Almoren before heading back to the armies of the north, my duty still binds me. It would be unfair to take you all that way, not when you've just returned to your family."  
  
***  
  
Cara frowned, knowing he hadn't told her everything. The way someone spoke, the way their words seemed to flow, usually told her right off. She had always been keen with sound and voices, due to her upbrining, but the fact that singing awakened her strength with Saidar was another reason. She didn't want to have to force her way, but his words were half-true.  
  
"I'll be alright, going with you that is. I don't feel as hateful as I was a week ago, and seeing them and knowing they still love me means alot. But, I don't think I can stay here. I want to test myself, push myself furthur than I ever have before. I want to come with you." She pulled her hand away from his face, coloring slightly. "That is, if you want me to come with you."  
  
***  
  
Todaran felt himself losing ground even as her words came forth. Damnable! Women all did it, they used guilt like a weapon and Cara was one of the few who could use it successfully on him. He wanted her to come, but she would hate him for what he was, even though he did what was right for the world. Smiling at her, he shrugged, it was no use resisting, but he would have to send her back somewhere along the trip though he knew not where, before she found out.  
  
"I shouldn't be bringing you with me, you deserve better than travel and sleeping in the bushes and under oaks. I'll get you another horse and we'll set out for Almoren. You'd better get some decent travelling clothes, those cloths won't make it, leathers are best if you've got any. I'll meet you at the stables? Make sure you pack everything you need and bring them, we can then put them in saddlebags and we can head off. I'll head off to make arrangements now, and remember, travel light."  
  
Todaran left quickly to secure a decent horse, one that was gentle to boot. Cara wouldn't be able to handle one of the wilder horses, he'd burn if he got saddled so to speak with one of them from one of the horse traders either. But he would have easily enough time, Cara would be a bit, shrugging, Todaran continued on his way to the stables....  
  
***  
  
The reflection in the mirror turned to it's side, then to the other, while the image's head stayed in place, looking itself up and down. It wore leather breeches meant for riding, as well as a loose white shirt. Both were originally intended for a small man, but Cara would only wear that type of clothing or her dresses. She smiled as she ran a hand along her hip. Let's see him not notice how tight these are . . .  
  
Laughing to herself, she slung her pack over her shoulder and strode out of her house. Before she had taken two steps though, her entire family was upon her. Tears, laughing, hugs and pats on the back accompanied her along the hallway, and even her little sister had gotten into the fray by wrapping her tiny self around Cara's leg.  
  
Laughing, she said her final goodbyes, promising to return once she and Todaran were finished. The wink her father gave her though, caused her face to redden quickly. Parents thought they knew everything.  
  
Once at the stable, she found Todaran sitting atop his horse, leading a young mare by a line. The animal was beautiful, with grey and white across his hide. She smiled as she climbed up, but immediately fell off onto her rump. Dusting herself off, she tried again, wrapping her legs around the saddle to keep from tilting. Todaran watched, his eyes betraying the laughter he held in.  
  
"So you still haven't learned to ride horses?" His face was a small smile, and she reached over and poked his arm, her eyes holding nothing but humor.  
  
As they rode, she hummed quietly, not the song she usually did, because that one usually got h er blood to chill and her bowels to freeze over. She had loved that song, but now she feared it greatly. Taking advantage of her notes, she wove a barrier of silence around herself and Todaran, smiling. He glanced over at her worriedly, probably because he could no longer hear the horses' footfalls. "Don't worry, I just blocked out sound with a barrier. I wanted to talk to you privately without having anyone hear."  
  
She scooted her horse closer, smiling. "Who's the Great Lord? Is he the Lord of the Night? I heard you and Harnem when you spoke to one another." Her face fell, and she pushed her fingers together. "I-I'm sorry for eavesdropping . . . "  
  
***  
  
Todaran sharply looked at Cara as he felt goosebumps travel over him. What really shocked him was what she said last, barely catching himself in the saddle he grabbed saidin. Weaving as best he could, he slammed a shield over Cara even as he wove a second shield of silence around them to make up for the disappearance of hers. His face was as black as anything, the shock on her face apparent. This was not meant to happen! Weaving with air, he seeked to hold her in place so she couldn't kick her horse into starting off into the distance, but what was he going to do? He had a responsibility to the cause over anything else, even his own personal friendshi...  
  
"Do you know what you have done! Burn me! You were never meant to hear that! Blood and Ashes!...."  
  
Todaran raged internally at what his foolishness had caused, now she knew there was usually only one option, to silence the person who had heard. Kill her!? He couldn't do that! Blast, why did things have to be so hard? He knew he shouldn't have taken her along, yet she still would have known... Looking at a now very frightened Cara, Todaran felt shame in part, but he had to do what he had to do.  
  
"Yes, the Great Lord of the Dark is the Lord of the Night. You should never have heard what Harnem and I were saying, you were meant to be with your family! And now you leave me in the worst situation possible. Whenever someone who follows the Light even suspects, we are meant to silence them. Your my closest friend, why did you put me in this position?! Arrgh! Give me some solution, I beg you, for the love of my sanity give me another way...."  
  
The last was said to the air itself, he appealed to the greater power that be that guided him. He was connected to Cara beyond mere friendship, he could not wield the knife, he could not use the flames. Blast him for a fool for ever having met Cara again to be placed in such a predicament, for her life now seemed forfeit.  
  
***  
  
For a moment, Cara shuddered, her voice cutting off as she felt something slide between her and Saidar. She placed her hands over her mouth, silenting mouthing apologies, as Todaran exploded with what seemed a mixture of both rage and helplessness. She had never seen him like this, and couldn't think on what to do, save telling the truth.  
  
She leaned from her saddle, placing her hands on his arm, looking up at his eyes. She swallowed, hoping her wouldn't take this the wrong way. "No, no it's alright. The Light . . . it . . . it has forsaken me." For a moment, the pain and terror of the arches passed through her, but she quickly pushed it away. "The test in the Tower . . . they tried to kill me. But . . . but I was too strong for them. I couldn't finish the second trial, and they threw me out. I hate the Light, I hate a master who does nothing for his people when they need him the most. So I . . . I . . . "  
  
She trailed off, looking away. She couldn't hide the pain she had felt, the pain she still suffered at times. She looked away not in thought, but to try and hide the tears that ran down her face. Other children had always made fun of her, because she cried so easily. She was soft, she couldn't help who she was.  
  
" . . . I s-swore my life to . . . the Lord of the Night . . . "  
  
***  
  
Todaran's eyes narrowed on Cara, it sounded right, yet there was something wrong. If she was a Darkfriend, she would have known how to signal him, to show herself as such. On the otherhand, she might have made a pledge elsewhere where it wasn't truly binding, in which case she would never have known what to do. Regarding Cara closely, Todaran weighed up the choices, it was an easy one, he would take any chance not to harm Cara, even a slim one which placed himself in danger as this. Leaning forward towards Cara, he spoke quietly and calmly, despite the lack of need to do so with the barrier of silence.  
  
"You have not bound yourself to the Great Lord, otherwise you would have realised immediately what I had meant. If you were truly a servant, you would have signalled me as such by now, on the otherhand what you say sounds true. If you wish to bind yourself to the Great Lord truly, then you will need to accompany me to the Heartland, to the Fortress and from there to Shayol Ghul. Otherwise I have no choice but to either find someone who can bind you against ever speaking a word or to do something more permanent. I cannot betray the words I have given, will you come willingly?"  
  
***  
  
Cara listened, and flinched slightly as Todaran leaned forward, speaking to her in a hushed voice, even though they were more then likely surrounded by the same kind of silent shield she had woven before she'd been Shielded. She knew the truth would be able to solve the problem. "Yes, yes please." She nodded feverishly, wiping away sweat that had formed suddenly without warning. She felt weak, and her gut was spinning inside her, but she knew she had to do this.  
  
"Not for my own life. I speak only the truth. I . . . didn't know what to do except promise to server him." She turned away slightly, abashed at her lack of knoweldge in this particular area. "I don't know anything about it, and yet, I know I want it, like a dream you can't hold onto but wish to."  
  
She looked out over the people who traveled a slight distance away from their horses. So many people, and they had no idea how evil their precious White Tower really was. "I hate them, them and their . . . " She cut of with a sigh, turning back to him. "But, you probably don't really care why. I'm sorry I caused you to panic. And . . . I'm sorry I don't know enough to grab ahold of my desires."  
  
She slumped slightly into her saddle, averting her eyes from his. She felt weak, but thankfully, not as weak as she had felt at the mercy of that shadow. She pushed the memory down as she waited for him to scold her, to pat her on the back, or even to knock her from her seat, dead...  
  
***  
  
Todaran snorted, what foolishness! The Shadow was the true path but not if trodden on the way Cara sought to. Finding his emotions too much of a block to clear thinking, Todaran sought the void once more and saidin to clear his mind. With all fed to the flame and the flame burning of a power touched only by man, Todaran spoke with only a flat voice. What he said could mean little or a alot, depending on whether Cara was listening, how she interpreted it was for her to divine.  
  
"You seek a true path yet you are led to it by a false guide, for me to even accept you on the true path, you must prove steadfast, you must prove faithful and you must prove true in thought. That which drives you to the truth will be your undoing if you embrace it, think on what is said before you answer while we ride, when you feel you have found the answer tell me. I will release you from your shield and you are to keep beside me least you force me to act upon an oath which binds me. Do not even contemplate saidar until you have proven yourself."  
  
Undoing the shield which he had tied upon her, Todaran kept the wall of silence around them as he kicked his horse into motion, Cara quickly following him alongside. This could prove to be a long or short journey depending on how Cara fared, if she could not embrace the Shadow for the truth hidden amongst lies it was, then she could not join at all, Todaran would not see her twisted as others were, initiated in the Shadow for the wrong reasons.....  
  
***  
  
Cara kept silent for a long while, absently rubbing the back of her neck now and then in deep thought. Now and then, she stretched her legs, keeping the muscles warm and loose. She hated horses, and had always been a miserable rider, but had managed to hold onto hers so far. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, fading from anger to hate to depression and then to complete emptiness. She had never felt in such a way, and hated having no one to speak with.  
  
She tilted her eyes towards Todaran, looking at him in silence. He seemed to be angry about what had transpired, and she felt that she couldn't blame him for it. She had come out of the blue with that little tidbit of information. She searched her soul, and this time, she found that she had made a mistake. Holding her left hand out, she brought the other straight down, slamming into her fingers. The pain would help her remember next time, when she lost control of her thoughts.  
  
She looked straight at Todaran, her face calm and composed, unlike her stomach, which somersaulted rather well for an unmobile object. "I wanted to hurt them, for what they did to me. But . . . I remember now. The arches are a test of your soul. They read you like a book and flay you open for your own eyes to see." Her eyes misted, but she turned away to look out across the road. "I failed because my own soul was twisted, so twisted that nothing could stand against it. Not even myself." She sighed, rubbing lightly at her eyes with the back of her hand. She wouldn't cry in front of him. "I . . . want to start anew. And . . . I want you to teach me . . . if you want to, of course."  
  
She looked up at him then, hoping her speech had touched him in the way he had searched for. Her hate was gone, replaced with an almost alien emotion . . .  
  
***  
  
Todaran listened to Cara even as they rode, wondering how true those words were. Cara did not lie often, yet for her life would she? Todaran did not know, but he would sieze the chance to spare her as he could. Even as they rode he spoke, her complicity would have to be complete as would her obedience.  
  
"You say that, but a testing will come. I hope you are true to your word, for if you are not... The price for deception is high within the ranks of the Shadow. Especially within my Order which extols truth. The Shadow is to be embraced to restore balance between the Great Lord and the Creator, freeing the Great Lord from the Bore. After that, whatever caused the division between the two powers should be healed, though the extremes required to make these events come to pass are distasteful to put it mildly. Many seek riches or revenge in the Shadow, my Order seeks a healing of the world. That is what you will commit yourself to if you join the Shadow, for otherwise you will be cast aside after Tarmon Gaidon like those who pursue riches shall be."  
  
Nudging his horse into a rolling canter, Todaran moved forward, he would speak little now save till they reached their destination. The Fortress, home of the armies of the North, the Shadow's wings that would spread across the world. Let the road ahead of them continue for now however. 


End file.
